Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God,knowing good and evil.”
(Genesis 3:1-4 NIV)
I'm a fallen woman, don't get me wrong. Please don't make me an angel, either. I am not the person sat in God's 'ear' singing hymns 24/7. I have as great a need to drop to my knees as the next person, man or woman.
I'm not inciting rebellion or anarchy within marriage or singleness; I'm not advocating that women don't encourage their husbands, or that they refuse to be sacrificed for. I'd like to receive the sacrificial gifts of time, attention, perhaps even money (!) at the cost of a husband's 'preference,' which is the best way I've heard this put. However, I know that Jesus first sacrificed for me and Jesus loves men and women equally. That means that men and women get to share the spiritual rewards that come from following Jesus, and these must be manifested practically, whether you happen to be single or in a marriage relationship.
Theologically I'm a egalitarian. Therefore, I believe men and women are called according to their gifting and unique personality, and should not limited in opportunities by their gender(s). I'm not a complimentarian, because I don't believe that women are tied to a supporting role in their work, church or marriage. However, I'll admit that in relationships where roles tend to diversify due to practical reasons, over time (for example, when couples have children), then the distinction between these opposing theologies can be much less dramatic than is first supposed.
To me, the mindset that asserts that women can be equal in influence to men is of greater importance than the checkbox ticking that equal opportunity often engenders. Clearly, if you know me, you'll understand that what I have been though in the last decade is nothing like equality of opportunity with men, so it's hard to not to write about this from a place of pain. I am really asserting my worth here without the crowning glory of a fabulous resume, the sparkles of community affirmation or gold standard of a with honours education.
The thing about entitlement is it was the bad product of the forbidden fruit in the garden. Upon eating let's say, the apple (because somewhat ironically, we don't even know which fruit was taken) – Adam and Eve felt they were, by rights, entitled make coverings for their nakedness, because of their exposure. After their sin, they were now vulnerable in every way, in body, mind, and soul.
Because of the prohibition upon the fruit tree Adam and Eve were told not to eat from, we can presume that to God believed, contrary to the slurs of Satan (we are told in other places that he is the 'accuser'), that human nakedness was beautiful! God delighted in the body before the fall and didn't require clothing!
We can infer from the Genesis story of Eden that the mind is potentially a prison of desire. It was the mind that first tempted Eve. Not from a place of entitlement, but from a position of insecurity (she apparently didn't know what 'evil' was).
Eve had only to refuse the serpent initially, and leave the fruit tree in the middle of the garden alone.
After Adam and Eve ate the fruit, temptation became diffuse.
Adam and Eve understood that temptation was inside them and passed through them like 'the apple.'
No longer could Adam and Eve focus entirely upon God's holiness, which they had previously understood to be in all things; God was not separated from them before they had eaten the apple: not separated by this terrible new knowledge that they had acquired, which promised them all-power and delivered all-weakness.
Basically, following 'the apple', Adam and Eve became hedonists! They were separated from God's goodness and trained to seek it. Yet they could not be pure in their search because they knew of wicked things. And because of their separation they were looking always for a hit.
I wish the church would teach male entitlement like this! While we teach 'respect' and honouring male leadership within marriage *, I wish we could also affirm that men are favoured by patriarchal structures which we embrace in the church and in the world outside it. To some women, to whom life is unjust, this is basically the knowledge of good and evil. We know there are women out there who are treated abundantly well, to whom the rewards of a Christian life are tangible. But not all women get to share in those rewards.
(*but not at the expense of female authority please!)
The tragedy is we cover up with fig leaves that barely fix the problem. Obviously after the fall clothes were deemed necessary, and so are systems in churches, workplaces and in the social sphere, which organise the transmission of norms and protect the status quo -- because no-one wants chaos.
We need to simplify and to take care of demands that create gender bias through one gender's legitimate and consistent preference. For example, many women would chose maternity leave and enjoy spending this time with their baby. But how can we best respect women who chose this option, or women who find they have no choice to apply because of circumstances.
I wish we could keep at the fore of marriage teachings that women were highly honoured and trusted by Jesus, loved in their sin (because we have a habit of demonising Eve), and respected, like Mary, sister of Martha, when she sat at Jesus feet and set a healthy limit on her obligation to serve guests and clean the house!
We should be teaching women a deep respect for themselves that is not based upon their achievements or external beauty. As a community of men and women, we should strive to educate until women know they have freedom to set boundaries, on their time, over their bodies, and in their relationships, not because they are empowered by feminism but additionally, and more powerfully, because they are God's daughters.
There needs to be a place where men and women can be exposed to their 'nakedness' and accept their vulnerability without entitlement, and this place is the marriage, and/or the family. At every level of churches we should be asking how we can facilitate men and women to surrender their entitlement for the sake of the cross.
That means looking to see who could benefit from what we are (sometimes legitimately) entitled to. For men in marriage that might look like publicly acknowledging the hard work of a wife, it could mean sharing childcare so she can work too, it could mean any number of small changes that pass on the honour that is given to men as a custom. Because, when we don't learn to do this as a society there is a high, and hidden cost.
Over the past several years I have been 'disrespected' to the point I have questioned if I am a full member of God's family. While the bad behaviour of others may come from a place of wounding it's not appropriate when the person who is mistreating you has privilege, to excuse their behaviour.
Men have good access to information resources. Very close to half the population are women and as such it is extremely difficult to avoid them. If men do not know their privilege is being used to disrespect a woman (or women) then they can jump into the impenetrable world of female feelings and attempt to find out. Great organisations are out there to help equip men and orientate them to female inequality. All it takes is a little initiative and a little courage.
I am due to start training soon that will help me to better identify poor quality relationships, especially romantic 'dating' sorts. However, I hope I will also gain the toolbox I need to spot non-intimate connections that could potentially cause me problems and inhibit my freedom -- a freedom that Christ, after all, has died for.
I would like to be a stronger person and to perform better in life, I have been flummoxed at times by the extent to which our community closes her eyes to injustices perpetrated against women. My last blog in this series of "re-imagining repentance" (#SYNcreate) will examine how the language of respect, while it is biblical, can enable domestic violence where there is not enough horizontal accountability for men, or sufficient places where women can turn for help.
Keep your eyes peeled for part 3!